Author: Todd Heaton

Mindset has more than one aspect to consider. We could talk at length about detachment which is a major part of a winning mindset. We could talk about how well or poorly we’ve informed our intellects via knowledge and training. Furthermore, we could deep dive into self-awareness and humility versus arrogance. As Socrates said – know thyself, right? We could talk about the proper and improper uses of emotions like fear and anger, as major parts of mindset. We could talk about a learned or experiential propensity for violence. We could talk about why a winning mindset far surpasses a competitive, or survival type mindset. We could talk hard realities like how easy a superior foe can be felled with simple opportunity. The acceptance of that knowledge is crucial to mindset. Ignore it at your own peril. Those are all critical aspects of mindset. We have to begin somewhere so we’re going to begin with a couple of hard questions: Are you prepared to deal out lethal blows to stop an unjust aggressor from causing you or yours, Great Bodily Harm GBH, or death? (Statutory language in Illinois – know your state statutes) Are you prepared to die, that your people might live? In this post I’ll explore some aspects of these two questions.

In my latter twenties, as I grew in my Catholic faith I began questioning where the moral lines were relating the proper use of violence. Because of my occupation in law enforcement, I understood well – where the legal lines were. In my case, I sought guidance from a devout Catholic priest who prior to becoming a priest, happened to have served his country in the United States Army. For a Catholic it can be a very serious sin to fail to defend the people you’re responsible for. All Christian’s could benefit from this knowledge:

There is a lot to unpack in these teachings. I’m not going to attempt to unpack all of it in this post.

Generally speaking in America we’re supposed to be an “innocent,” defending ourselves against an unjust aggressor. The threat of force is supposed to be imminent, and our response to that threat is to be proportional to the level of the threat ie; non-deadly or deadly? Where feasible, we ought to avoid violent confrontations. However, the bad guy always gets a vote, right? The force we use ought to be both objectively and subjectively reasonable.

A sound moral and legal strategy is to limit our force to stopping the unjust aggressor. Stopping him is our intention. If an unjust aggressor changes his will and surrenders – we stop using force. If an unjust aggressor refuses to relent but is rendered unconscious – we stop using force. Our intention is not to kill the unjust aggressor. That may be the result of the force we use, but our intention is to stop him. There is a distinction here that is not mere semantics, and it has to do with our intention being limited to stopping. In dealing with an unjust aggressor who presents the threat of GBH, or death we must be willing to deal out lethal blows. A lethal blow is likely to cause death. Likely is not a guarantee. People are moving, accuracy isn’t perfect, especially during tense, uncertain, and rapidly evolving confrontations. If our intention was to kill the unjust aggressor we’d attach bayonets and finish him while he lays unconscious. If our goal was to kill him, once we incapacitate him we would put more rounds in his head and never call for an ambulance. We’d get the shovel from the shed, as it were.

I’m going to convey this again: When an unjust aggressors will changes to a full surrender or a compliance (depending upon the circumstances), or his will is forcibly removed through unconsciousness – THEN we stop using lethal force. However, until their will to cause us or ours GBH, or death is removed – we strike, strike, strike, strike, and strike. We must be willing to exhaust ourselves in an effort of achieving and maintaining a kind of relative superiority until they have a change of their will. Some men will never have a change of will. Some men you will have to render unconscious, dying, or dead just to stop them.

Battlefield Exchanges

To properly apply fundamental principles in an ever changing world we have to sometimes assume greater risks on one battlefield over another. In a day and age where some elected states attorney’s over-zealously charge even police officers for doing the hard job of stopping an unjust aggressor, we have to accept that we may incur a higher risk on that legal battlefield. We have to be willing to accept an exchange of higher risks on one battlefield or another, if we seek to win.

“Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” Vince Lombardi

Spiritually this is a truth. If we fail to cooperate with the graces given and fail to make it home to our Heavenly Fathers house – we fail – forever. That is why I believe the moral battlefield is the highest of all battlefields. If we fail to get that one right – that failure may be eternal. Morally and legally, as an innocent we have a right to life. Unjust aggressors are “unjust.” The unjust have no right to rob, rape, or murder. They actually forfeit their right to life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, when they set their will, on a course of robbery, rape, and murder. Their only hope, is to immediately cease all deadly force threat towards an innocent. Does that mean the elected states attorney in your jurisdiction will see things your way? No. There are no guarantees. That is primarily why I’ve purchased concealed carry insurance.

Who are we preparing to fight? Are we preparing to fight an unjust aggressor who will surrender at the very sight of our firearm? No. If that happens, that’s great. Are we preparing to fight an unjust aggressor who will suffer a psychological stoppage after the first bullet enters his chest cavity? No. If that happens, that’s great. Thank goodness, at whatever point he suffers a psychological stoppage. Are we preparing to fight an unjust aggressor who has made a decision that you will have to kill him to stop him, and that he will not stop until your dead? Yes. Yes this is precisely who we are training to fight. The worst possible unjust aggressor on the planet. Why? Because to presume any lesser unjust aggressor will show up, is to gamble with one’s own life and/or the lives of those we hold a grave duty to protect. If we make a mistake in that kind of a gamble we may die, and ever worse, those whom we purport to love and are responsible for may die. When the harm to you and yours is GBH, or death don’t gamble, don’t hesitate, don’t abdicate the decision of who lives and who dies over to an unjust aggressor. Do the hard seemingly dirty things that ought to get done to decisively win. When the window of opportunity opens on an unjust deadly force threat, it will not long remain open. You may only get one window of opportunity. Should a combat sweet spot or window of opportunity open with an unjust deadly force threat, move through it violently, with lethal blows and don’t dare let off that trigger until he clearly surrenders or he’s rendered unconscious, dying, or dead. Period.

It is legitimate morally speaking to insist upon more respect for one’s own life than any number of unjust aggressors. Again, our intention should be to stop them. If they live or die, ultimately that’s God’s business. We’re not finishing anyone off. We’re not seeking vengeance – that’s God’s business. Not our business.

Moderate violence isn’t what it used to be. Moderate violence in my opinion is anything short of deadly force. Imagine St. Peter the first Catholic Pope explaining to a modern states attorney how cutting off the high servants ear was moderate violence. Moderate violence isn’t what it used to be, and there is a difference between what is moral and what is legal. What is legal or more importantly what a modern states attorney of a certain mindset, may interpret as legal grows weaker by the day. Today, even police officers who follow the United States Supreme Court case law precedents like Terry V Ohio, Tennessee V Garner, and Graham V Connor have problems in various places with liberal minded states attorneys. I’m not going to deep dive down that rabbit hole. That would be a long digression.

The Catechism says “Legitimate defense can be not only a right but a grave duty for one who is responsible for the lives of others.” Grave duty means – serious sin if you blow off that duty. There is no right to be a pacifist if you’re a Catholic. If we go out and murder an innocent, that is a grave sin. If we refuse to deal – a lethal blow to an unjust aggressor threatening to murder innocents we’re responsible for – that too would be a grave sin. The idea of a fence to straddle is a deception, a lie. There – is – no – fence. Do good, and avoid evil. We best do the work to understand where those lines are.

The grave duty to defend doesn’t say anything about succeeding. I can’t guarantee you or I are going to live through any deadly force confrontation. Some are far more risky than others. When your mission is simply to avoid, or defend yourself, you can take more calculated risks. When your mission is to protect those you’re responsible for, the risks you must accept will be of the highest nature. In the first place you’re only as fast as your slowest loved one. That loved one might be two or eighty two. Your job is to buy time and opportunity that your people escape. You purchase the time needed for that to happen by incurring greater risks and moving into the gap. Where escape is not an option your job is to move into the gap, accepting if anyone is going to be shot here today – it’s you. Not your people. Hint: pray early and often for the graces needed rather than relying on your own strength for something this noble and good.

If it were just my wife and I at home asleep, and someone was to break in, I would barricade in the bedroom, grab my firearm, and have a plan for my wife to call and stay on the line with the 911 dispatcher. I would have the police come deal with the intruder. The police would incur all the physical, legal, civil, and social risks. I would do what I need to do, if and when, the unjust insists on compressing into our bedroom.

However, in my home I still have three children whom I’m gravely responsible for. Our bedroom is upstairs and the children’s bedrooms are downstairs. If I were to be awakened at O’ dark thirty by the sound of the walkout slider door shattering, barricading in place is not an option. As a father, I must move direct to the threat, to access and solve whatever potentially violent problem I’m confronted with. That means I’m going to have to do my best to get to the problem before they get to one of my children. Direct to the threat often means point blank range with that threat. What is in his hands? If he has a firearm in his hands and he’s not a police officer, there is absolutely nothing to discuss. The only sounds should be the concussion of my firearm discharging sending lead into his chest and face until such time as he voluntarily separates himself from his firearm or he’s unconscious, dying, or dead. As always the dead part is God’s business, not my business.

One Gun In the Fight

If he doesn’t have a firearm in his hands the only acceptable responses are he’s either leaving or he’s freezing in place. What he is not going to be permitted to do, in my house, is align on the firearm in my hands and compress distance on that firearm. Why? I will not gift him an opportunity to disarm me and use my firearm against me and my family. He will be shot as he compresses time and distance on my drawn gun. An unjust aggressor will not be permitted to engage in a hand to hand battle over control of my firearm.

Point Blank Range

Point blank range is inherently dangerous when dealing with an unjust criminal aggressor. Why? It is really hard to miss your target at point blank range. It can happen especially if one of the combatants gains surprise and the other finds himself so far behind in John Boyd’s OODA loop (Observe Orient Decide Act) that they’re literally being shot. Then panic sinks in deep and one might try to just make some noise with their firearm in hopes of turning the fight around. This sometimes happens to police officers who get too far behind in a gunfight. Bad guys with felony convictions don’t typically get issued FOID cards in the state of Illinois. They don’t typically have access to a square ranges to practice marksmanship. They don’t typically have access to competent firearms instructors to help them get better at marksmanship, combat shooting, or any other skill based training to help them improve in competence. Bad guys use ruses and lies to gain point blank range. Point blank range is their competency range. Once they gain it then comes the surprise and subsequent domination. As a father, I have to move direct to the threat to ensure that threat cannot and will not gain opportunity over one of my little ones. Solo room clearing or moving direct to the threat is essentially mutual destruction. When that unjust aggressor breaches your little castle and begins maneuvering throughout it while armed with a firearm you have to be prepared to stop him.

Shot Ain’t Dead

Have you ever considered the possibility of being shot? You should because if you’re planning on solo room clearing direct to the threat, that very well may happen. Just because you’re shot doesn’t mean your dead. Can you still win the fight if you’re shot? Yes. Can you still win the fight if you are mortally wounded and you are going to die? Yes. What’s your mission? Protect your wife and children. If you stop the threat do you complete your mission? Yes. Even if you die? Yes. This mission isn’t about you – it’s for – your – people. Even if you’re heart shot you may still have double digit seconds left before your blood pressure crashes and you lose consciousness. Pray for the grace to burn it in. Pray for the grace to complete your mission. Decide now to be in that small percentage of folks who accept even death with a desire to protect and keep their people safe. A hard saying. Pray ahead of time asking for those graces. The question is: What are you going to do with whatever time you’ve been given? If you have 12 seconds – make – them – count. Focus on getting your firearm working and keeping your firearm working until he’s stopped. Don’t waste precious time. Stop – the – unjust – aggressor. Focus on winning the fight.

Once he’s done if you’re still breathing then is the time for spiritual and physical self care. Then you can make your peace with God, simultaneously applying whatever physical self care you can to slow down your bleeding. Forget about the Hollywood nonsense. Almost everything you’ve seen on television as it relates to what to expect when you’ve been shot is nonsense. Dead is dead. Shot is not dead. Win – the – fight.

Conclusion

There are many aspects of mindset. Suffice to say if you want the highest probability of winning in a deadly force encounter, then you need to begin by thinking, and praying on these first two fundamental questions. Are you willing to deal out as many lethal blows as it takes to STOP an unjust aggressor? Are you prepared to risk and die in an effort to STOP an unjust aggressor that others might live? Don’t wait until an unjust aggressor forces his will upon you to figure out where you stand on these fundamental questions. Uncertainty and confusion on these questions are massive disadvantages in combat. It is far better to be involved in a shooting than a gunfight with an unjust aggressor. The distinction is an unjust aggressor in a gunfight is shooting back at you. The advantages go to the man or woman willing to do the hard, and seemingly – I say seemingly dirty things. Those things are not dirty – they seem dirty to a weak kneed generation raised in exceeding comfort. They seem dirty when presented in a certain kind of light by ideologues in the media. The actions of legitimately insisting upon one’s own right to life, or an innocent loved one, over and above an unjust aggressor is good, right, and just. It is not dirty. If you know what your doing it’s also not fair. We don’t seek fair. We seek to win. Remember, shootings are better than gunfights. May God give us all the graces we need to do good and avoid evil.

1Catechism of the Catholic Church

To become a craftsman, is to become competent. Competence is an attribute of leadership. There is an old Latin saying: Nemo dat quod non habet – You cannot give what you do not have. How do you purport to lead if you don’t know the way? Knowledge. Do you have the ability to explain, show, and do the job? Skill. If you’ve done the work you should strive to understand the how, why, what, where, when, and who of all aspects of your craft. Why? You can’t give what you don’t have. If you expect your people to do a job and to do it well, then be able to properly prepare them to meet and exceed the standard. In this post, I will look at a few angles associated with craftsmanship. I will share a priceless excerpt from C.S. Lewis short essay, The Inner Ring.

The Crisis

Stories of incompetence abound in every profession. Why? There is a crisis of leadership today. It’s easier to accept incompetence than it is to ask, tell, and make subordinates, come up to the standard. People like easy. You have to care to endure the discomfort involved in leading. Patient coaching of subordinates or holding them accountable is uncomfortable. Leadership requires teaching, reproofs, and correcting. Confrontation is a major part of this. A failure to confront is at the very heart of this crisis. Hoping the problem will somehow fix itself, is not a plan. Failure to lead is indifference at best, and cowardice at worst. Confronting another human being with patience, kindness (concern for), and firmness is challenging. There should be no hint of compromise. It might sound something like this:

‘I’m making a commitment to you to do everything within my abilities to help you to meet and exceed standards. I will break my back, as it were, to coach you to success. I care and I’m willing to do the work it will take to prove it. I want and expect to see you improve at this, that, or the other thing. I’m also making a commitment to you, that if you refuse to do your job, then I will begin documenting. I will keep documenting and start the disciplinary process. That will continue until you have suspended, demoted, and fired yourself. Please accept my sincerest desire to help you. You have to decide. My job is to confirm your decision, and let the consequences play out!’

Too many people who ought to care – don’t! If you’re in a leadership position, spend your time focused on becoming a craftsman. Provide your people with the highest probability of success.

Accountability

Merriam Websters defines accountable: 1) Subject to giving an account; answerable. 2) capable of being accounted for: explainable.

Both definitions carry a responsibility for leaders. There is a responsibility to discipline, fire, or properly defend your people. Is the accused actually responsible (answerable), or is he able to explain (explainable) it away? Discipline those who deserve it! Properly defend those who acted rightly and justly! This is simple, yet hard to do. Accountability is not a one way street. One way justice, ain’t justice, it’s revenge. Here is a partial definition of justice:

“As a virtue, it is the constant and permanent determination to give everyone his or her rightful due…¹”

Accountability depends upon who is innocent and who’s unjust. The innocent go free, the unjust answer.

Is your leadership “willing” to do the hard and seemingly dirty things that need to get done? Is your leadership “willing” to do the unpopular and inconvenient things that need to get done? Who does your leadership fear? My boss won’t like me! This, that, or the other special interest group won’t like me! The media won’t like me! My troops won’t like me! Indeed. Just do the right thing and don’t worry about who likes you and who doesn’t! If you stand for something you will have people lining up, who don’t like you. Stop with buzzwords, and define things clearly. If you want to be liked, buy a puppy.

You Do It Right

I recall a Catholic priest sharing he once asked a seminary professor: What do we do if we find ourselves serving under a bad Bishop? The answer was simple, yet profound. He said he was told to be aware of the problems, but in the end: You do it right. Doing it right often involves the risk of paying a price. The authority given to leaders is a responsibility. It’s not about you! It’s for your people.

One of my best friends is a pilot. He told me when he became a Captain, an authentic leader told him to look over at his right shoulder. On his right shoulder were four stripes representing the rank of a Captain. As a First Officer, he formerly sported three stripes. Upon completion of his final check ride, this leader extended his index finger and poked my friends shoulder as he touched each stripe he emphasized four words. He said: Its – all – your – fault!

What was he telling this young Captain? He was telling him to accept the responsibility given to him to do right things. He was telling him there are no excuses in the end. He was telling him you can’t blame the flight attendant who’s begging you they need to make it home tonight. He was telling him you can’t blame the first officer. You can’t blame the company. You cannot blame an incompetent air traffic controller. He was telling him, the authority given – is – for – your – people. Time to grow up and be answerable as it is all the Captains fault. A Captain is answerable for doing the right thing, for the right reason, at the right time, and in the right way. The way we fix this crisis in leadership is one person at a time. You, whoever you are and wherever you find yourself, do it right. Become a craftsman! Why? You can’t give what you don’t have.

C.S. Lewis The Inner Ring

C.S. Lewis was a Christian British writer born in 1898 and died in 1963. If you have not had the pleasure of reading The Inner Ring you can read it at:

https://www.lewissociety.org/innerring/

“The quest of the Inner Ring will break your hearts unless you break it. But if you break it, a surprising result will follow. If in your working hours you make the work your end, you will presently find yourself all unawares inside the only circle in your profession that really matters. You will be one of the sound craftsmen, and other sound craftsmen will know it. This group of craftsmen will by no means coincide with the Inner Ring or the Important People or the People in the Know. It will not shape that professional policy or work up that professional influence which fights for the profession as a whole against the public: nor will it lead to those periodic scandals and crises which the Inner Ring produces. But it will do those things which that profession exists to do and will in the long run be responsible for all the respect which that profession in fact enjoys and which the speeches and advertisements cannot maintain.”2

The Inner Ring is about a desire to be inside the innermost circles of knowledge, influence, and power. Lewis provides deep insights into these innermost concentric rings. It comes down to time. What do we do with the time given? Today many focus on ‘the game,’ meaning politics. Politicians spend all their time focused on becoming a craftsman at politics. We need craftsmen at the jobs professions actually exist to do. Political craftsmen often fail to properly defend their people when they act rightly. Why? Compromise (a form of indifference), or cowardice.

Whoever you are and wherever you find yourself, these principles apply to you. Whatever you do in life strive to become a craftsman. Don’t settle for mediocrity or substandard performance. Use your time well. If you are accountable for subordinates, help them and if they refuse to do their jobs discipline them. I’m going to conclude this post with a quote from Vince Lombardi. It is very relevant:

“I firmly believe that any man’s finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle – victorious.” Vince Lombardi

May God give all of us the grace, in the end, to lay exhausted on the field of battle.

1 Modern Catholic Dictionary, by Fr. John A. Hardon

2 The Inner Ring, C.S. Lewis

Perception can be tricky. To obey God as it relates to turning the other cheek over an insult, slight, or minor offense, to a generation whose often tempted to value vengeance can seem ugly. It’s not ugly. It’s good, true, and it’s beautiful to obey God. That’s what it is objectively speaking. Subjectively, it may not feel good, true, or beautiful. Do – it – anyway. Love is in the “will.” Love isn’t merely a sentiment or an emotion. I might not feel like loving those I’m supposed to, on a given day. What must I do? Do it anyway. Love is a decision, not a feeling. The Good, True, and Beautiful are convertible terms for God. What He has revealed to us – the Truth is good, true, and beautiful. If there is a problem with that, the problem is not with the Truth. The problem is with us. Our filters get dirty and clogged up, and grace don’t flow. Our filter being our upbringing, education, world view, training, and experiences. So being raised on a steady diet of action and revenge films, messes up our filters. We fail to accurately perceive things. In this last post, I’ll share a humbling experience where I had to make a decision. If you can picture your ego like a puppy, mine was chewing on the couch, as it were.

Konrad Adenauer, Chancellor of West Germany 1949-1963, made sometime after World War II. I like it. It definitely applies to my life innumerable times:

“God has placed obvious limitations on our intelligence but none what-so-ever on our stupidity.”

I was blessed at my old house to have competent instructors at our Academy. The training cadre at any house are critical seats to fill. If you lack competency among the chiefs but still have competency in your Academy, all is not lost. They can still train the officers to act rightly and they can be called upon to render opinions on seemingly questionable uses of force, internal disciplinary hearings, arbitration, wrongful termination suits, and in court for both criminal and civil. They are underutilized much of the time. Somewhere around the halfway point in my career I recall an Academy instructor who cared, and put out, in effort to properly train his people talking to us at in-service training. The instructor explained the potential legal and civil issues we might experience if we acted under color of law, off duty, especially outside our jurisdiction. What I took away was to be a good witness unless an active shooter is murdering innocents.

When I retired an acquaintance asked me my thoughts on concealed carry insurance. Thinking I knew what I didn’t actually know, I told him I wouldn’t be buying it as if I ever have to use my firearm I’ll be receiving some kind of an award, for defending against an active shooter. Time passed and I started looking more seriously at the prospect of starting a business. I had learned in law enforcement how critical it was to understand case law (United State Supreme Court & lower courts). If I was going to be involved in any kind of legitimate firearms defense training I knew I needed to do the same kind of study I did in law enforcement. That meant studying case law, statutes, and earning credentials with the USCCA, and NRA, as a concealed carry & home defense firearms instructor. I needed to understand exactly what was being taught to concealed carry license carriers, and equally important what they were not being taught. I methodically read, highlighted, and annotated about three dozen Illinois court cases involving a legal claim of self defense. I read Andrew Branca’s The Law of Self-defense, which confirmed the lessons learned during the case law study. After all of that my opinion changed, and I now have concealed carry insurance. Pride blinds us. The old saying; You don’t know what you don’t know. Pride stunts our growth. If you want to get better, then humble yourself and put forth the effort, doing the work, striving to become a craftsman. That could be a whole separate post.

As I was attending courses and accumulating credentials I had an opportunity to be tested. By God’s grace my intellect won out in the end.

I was staying at a hotel in Jacksonville, Illinois, May 17th, 2019. In the room next to mine, there were two men and a woman, talking very loudly and laughing. It was around 9 PM. I watched tv, and I figured eventually they’d settle down. I had school in the morning. Sometime before 11 PM, it was still going strong. So I called the front desk inquiring about the possibility of changing rooms. The clerk advised he’d take care of my problem by asking the men to quiet down. One of the guys was so loud I could actually follow his conversation. I hung up and within 30 seconds, I hear the loudest male scream, “F-you!” Then someone slams their fists or body into the wall between our two rooms, to emphasize his point.

Now you have to understand, in law enforcement we confronted the worst human beings on their worst days, and we did this every tour of duty. Sometimes multiple times a day. Picture the worst human beings in any community and guess who’s going to get to go deal with them? The police. Confrontation was like breathing. So part of me was desiring to get out into that hallway first. Part of me wanted face time with this guy. My curiosity wanted to know; Just how big a boy was he?

As you sort of grow up in law enforcement you start out desiring to prove yourself to your brothers in arms, to the criminals, and to yourself. As you mature you’ve been there and done that, so many times eventually you begin angling more towards calculated risks which are a lot smarter. Early on you’re okay with getting nose to nose with a bad guy. As you mature you realize that’s simply an opportunity to get sucker punched and knocked out. So you learn to have no problem growing in humility and taking a step back as you remove your can of pepper spray from it’s holder, and shake it in preparation for what’s next. So at some point your intellect begins influencing your will more than your emotions.

When you retire you have to acknowledge the truth that things are now radically different. You’re no longer sworn law enforcement.  As a police officer it was your job to go after the bad guys. To pursue them. That is not the case for regular citizens. Now the winning strategy is avoid. To let their illicit desire lead them to pursue you. To be able to show they pursued you which makes clear you were in jeopardy. As a citizen there is no corporate counsel to defend you free of charge, or to negotiate a settlement. You’re just like everyone else high up in the tree out on the thin limbs, as it were.

This was merely an insult, a slight. He had two biased witnesses. Think trial witnesses. People lie for each other all the time. What’s the probability his two witnesses will remain on his side? I have no one with me. There are two men and we’re isolated on the third floor. If we get to fighting, what stops his brother from joining in against me? Two on one, how far am I willing to take this? How far would I have to take this to win? Perhaps just to survive?

During my career as a police officer, I always knew that if I was taking a severe beating to a point nearing exhaustion, incapacitation, or unconsciousness I had recourse to drawing, shooting, and decisively stopping any unjust aggressors attack. That was ever present in the back of my mind. That is the mentality officers have to have. It’s called – a winning mindset.

Physiologically I had just received a cocktail of adrenaline and science says other chemicals dumped into my brain, increased heart rate and increased respiration, as frequently happens preceding a fight. That cocktail gets the body and mind ready to do physical battle. Only, there was no physical battle. So I experienced it as something ugly and uncomfortable. All that stuff poised and ready, and the right thing to do was to keep it all inside my hotel room. Habitually, when this happens in law enforcement or off duty asleep in your home when you hear a loud noise. Those physiological responses are your cue to move towards the threat. So to go against that habitual reaction is very uncomfortable. To sit or lay idle waiting for war to come to you, is the opposite of what you’ve trained yourself to do. It’s akin to taking a beating against a bigger, faster, and stronger boxer, and not quitting. To this day when some loud noise awakens me my heart rate might instantly kick up to 165 heart beats a minute or so and I’m up and moving direct to the threat. That movement meshes perfectly with the cocktail of adrenaline and other chemicals dumped into my brain. That movement forward meshes perfectly with where and how the blood is moving in my body to prepare me for what comes next. That movement is goal oriented. That movement is focused on things like tactics and urgency and resolve. Purposefully not advancing leaves one with far less focus and distraction. As a child, I always hated the thought of scheduling a fight after school. I very much preferred when the fight would happen spontaneously and all thoughts could focus on winning the fight. Does it take more of a man to dish out a beating or to endure a beating, and not quit?

Juxtapose the intellect with my ego. Juxtapose the intellect with my emotions tempting me to go out there and demonstrate to Mr. “F-you,” what commitment really looks like.  But that’s the ego talking, right? We need some of that to be able to do the things we did as police officers. There is a right use for that and it’s for your brothers in arms, your family, and you if it can’t be avoided. This – could – be – avoided.

To go out there to feed the ego was the wrong thing, wrong time, wrong reason, and wrong way. It was wrong on the moral battlefield, It was wrong on the physical battlefield. It was wrong on the legal battlefield. The civil battlefield has even less of a standard of proof than the legal battlefield.  Wrong, wrong, wrong, and wrong.

I picked up the phone and called the clerk again, wondering how the clerk could be so poor at his job, as to tell this guy what room called. Mental note: if this ever happens again, explicitly tell the clerk not to reveal which room is calling. The clerk says he’ll handle it. I hear these guys out in the hallway.  Then I learn the clerk told this guy if there is one more call, he’s out of the hotel. The quieter of the two guys says: “I know your tempted, but don’t do it.” Tempted to do what exactly? So I put my Glock 19 on the nightstand and lay down to watch some more television. If he’s unjust and resourceful enough to somehow come through a locked hotel room door (doubtful as those doors are solid), war will have come to me.  At that point I’ll be doing the right thing, for the right reason, at the right time, and in the right way. I’ll be right on the moral battlefield, the physical battlefield, the legal battlefield, and probably the civil battlefield but their are no guarantee’s right?  Right.  

I never said a word in response from the beginning of this to the end. I remained quiet, little, and meek. I was kind of surprised how much my ego sort of gnawed at me (chewed on the couch) and it kept it up even into the next day.  I recall an old Sergeant telling me one time:  Sometimes you get the bear and sometimes the bear gets you.  It kind of felt like that.

After some time passed, and the adrenaline dump faded, I remembered to pray.  I prayed for this guy, his brother, the woman and all of their families. I willed it. It doesn’t matter how I felt about it.   Love is a decision.

The ego as it relates to insults, slights, and minor offenses is a trick.  It is a diabolical trick that puts more men in the ground or prison than just about anything else.  If you will suffer this temporary pain – and it can be a sort of emotional pain – you will grow stronger. You will gain ground as it relates to a controlled strength (meekness). That controlled strength will serve you well when things get serious as it pertains to the emotions of fear and anger. As it pertains to panic and ego.  If you will endure that perceived ugliness (it’s not really ugly), you will build up a capacity to operate in the higher realm of the intellect which can then influence and direct your “will.” The intellect and the emotions, are often at war over dominance of the “will.” Stop letting your emotions dominate and direct the “will.”

He didn’t say another word, and within a few moments they all moved on to some other room to continue their late night loud talk. I went to bed.

In conclusion, you must begin controlling your ego or your ego will control you.  Not puffing up in a bold posturing stance makes you feel like a coward. Most men who posture are hoping that’s enough. It’s kind of the whole idea behind lifting weights and rolling up your sleeves. You kind of want people to not actually make you bleed. Most men would rather people just respect, honor, and fear them without having to get bloody to prove it.

There was a saying in Law Enforcement – The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in combat. The point is to do the thinking in advance. Do the training, and repetitions so that you’re better prepared for the real thing. Do the hard work. This building up of the mental and emotional strength is part of that training.  People who are willing to grind it out over time, have a much better probability of becoming a craftsman at their chosen professions. The more you control your emotions your passions, the more control you’re going to have when you need it. That matters so you don’t panic and so you don’t hesitate. Both extremes are bad.  May God give us the graces we need.

I’ve heard it said that ego has put a lot of men in early graves, and in prison cells. Ego in the worst sense of the word, has to do with our illicit desire for honors. In the first place it is a desire to posture as if ready to fight over insults, minor offenses, or slights – perceived injustices. Our sensitive ego needs reassured and comforted that we’re not a coward. We desire to feel courageous. The emotion of fear looms large, and we’re tempted to posture. We’re often content with a cheap display of posturing, to feed those insecurities. The ego demands to be fed: Whats the problem? Are you scared of this guy? Are you a coward? I thought you were a man. Why aren’t you out there dealing with this guy? Who does he think he is? He doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know what you’re capable of! Get out there and look as big and menacing as possible! Most people don’t really want to go to war over insults. They might want to appear as if ready to go to war. But most people don’t really want the pain, injury, and potential death that may be a part of that ordeal. So they seek to posture, just enough, to quiet down the ego. Secondly, the spirit of the world has given us the lie that the right thing to do is to seek revenge, or vengeance. That – is – a – lie. Increasingly we see folks clamoring for justice, though if the decisions of the states attorney or courts are not to their liking, then it’s not justice. Vengeance is increasingly confused with justice. God has made clear vengeance is His, and His alone. We ought not seek that. In this post I’ll explore the bad side of ego, pride, and arrogance as it relates to legitimate defense.

Fears

We fear many things. That’s the reason we have arguments in our families. We fear losing control. We know we’re responsible to protect, provide, and lead, and yet we get push back. Leading is often hard work and many don’t desire to be led. Our people don’t understand why they shouldn’t do this, that, or the other thing and we fail at calmly and effectively communicating the why and how. We argue and raise our voice. We lose patience because things are not going well, and we use sarcasm. We fail to remain calm, and we fail to lead. Early on when we’re spun up emotionally, we don’t feel like apologizing, as that requires us to take a low position. This is one small arena where we can begin dominating our emotions and growing in strength. Ask yourself as you begin to get angry or impatient – What is it I yet fear? Socially and professionally we often fear losing wealth, power, pleasures, or honors (St. Thomas Aquinas). With insults, minor offenses, and slights, honor is what we fear losing. Respect is another word for honor. We fear losing respect. We fear humiliations. Yet humiliation is an exercise of the virtue of humility. It is with great effort and pain we gain strength at the lowly aspect of humility. To grow in the truth aspect of humility is less painful. We fear a vulnerability to humiliations. Ask yourself; What is it – I’m afraid of?

The solution is one – move towards those fears that we know we ought to conquer, and then sit down in the low seats. Ought being the qualifying term. We have to be willing to be vulnerable. Failures are opportunities to learn. We want to believe when the time comes for great calculated risks, we’ll move towards the sound of the guns. Will we? With a brotherhood holding us accountable we will. On our own? How disciplined are you? What kind of habits have you been forming? An analogy: Few men lay down on a bench press loaded with a four hundred pound barbell, and competently move that weight. We begin with the bar. Begin – with – the – bar.

Don’t egg things on

As stated in the previous post, ego has much to do with the emotions. Ego is easily recognized in the emotion of anger. Fear lies at the root of anger. We get angry and we’re tempted to exaggerate insults, minor offenses, or slights into perceived injustices. If someone offends our own personal sense of justice then our ego might begin demanding that guy needs to learn a lesson. He just flipped me off after endangering me and mine. I have to teach him a lesson! Do you? Is it your job to teach lessons? Is that part of your mission in life. No. That jerk is not your subordinate, nor his he your child. If he was your subordinate then you’d document the incident, and discipline him. If he was your child you’d provide age appropriate discipline. But disciplining a stranger? That’s not a moral, legal, civil, or social thing.

The Word of God teaches exactly the opposite. As it relates to insults, offenses, or slights, we’re to turn the other cheek. In antiquity, men of old, we’re not as sensitive today as our current generation. A slap in the face was a mere insult. A slap was not a call to go to war. Now-a-days if someone looks at another person wrong, its often time to go to war. That is the wrong way! If someone gestures to you in a road rage incident do nothing to provoke, encourage, or facilitate mutual combat. Don’t speed up, don’t begin braking or slowing down, and don’t offer to pull off to the side of Route 66. If you do nothing to escalate things guess what will happen 99.9% of the time? He’ll move on. For the .1% of the time a crazy guy develops a fixation on you and yours, you’ll be able to honestly report (via your attorney) you did nothing to instigate, aggravate, or otherwise participate in any kind of mutual combat. You will have retained your innocence by trying to avoid the problem. That means any potential witnesses, video, or any other evidence will support your claim of lawful self-defense. You’ll sleep just fine if you have to defend yourself against such a man. If instead you decide he must be taught a lesson, then you’re indulging in mutual combat, and perhaps even becoming the unjust aggressor as he tries to get away from you. You’re going to lose the legal battle, and you’re going to go to prison. You’re strategy is terrible. You’re adopting a losers strategy.

Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord

Then there’s the vengeance thing. Occasionally we read about a burglary or perhaps home invasion victim who chases the criminal out into the street and starts shooting as the bad guy runs away. Sometimes that bad guy is shot or killed. Guess who’s getting charged? Of course discretion is involved with elected states attorney’s, but citizens who go after the burglar and start shooting out of what looks a lot like vengeance, are going to find themselves on a legal battlefield. Knowing where the lines are is a matter of freedom or incarceration. It can’t be: Oh you think you can steal from me?!? Revenge or vengeance is God’s alone. Don’t touch it. That is a hard line. Where do ideas like ‘teaching lessons‘ or ‘Oh, you think you can steal from me‘ come from? How many television programs and movies have we watched in our lives which show the so called ‘hero,’ killing all of his enemies, their friends, and everyone associated with them? Our generation has suffered a steady diet of vengeance via bad media influences during our upbringing. Music videos, immoral video games, etcetera. What are we feeding our intellects? Are we having any conversations with our children about what’s moral and what’s not moral in what we’re viewing? Why are we surprised when we feed our intellects garbage, that we experience garbage in, garbage out? How is that a mystery? It’s not – a mystery. It’s common sense.

Virtues

To compound the above listed problem we have stopped talking about virtues! We have even stopped talking about values. There is a radical distinction between virtues and values. Values are subject to change like the passing opinions of man. Values could be viewed like a river bank. A river bank can suffer erosion and it can overflow it’s banks. Over enough time that bank line can change significantly. Virtues on the other hand are like the bedrock in a riverbed. Virtues don’t change. I think it was Archbishop Fulton Sheen who first gave this analogy using doctrine and discipline.

Do you hear a lot of leaders talking about virtues? No. We’ve come through the enlightenment right? What a sick joke to call it that. It is a great darkening of the intellect of man. A great darkening and turning away from God, Who truly enlightens our minds and gives man common sense for the common good. What do men who sit in leadership seats today talk about now that we’ve forsaken virtues, and even set aside the weaker standards of values? Buzzwords. We are so weak kneed, and spineless in our current generations, we’re down to buzzwords.

Digression

Bear with me, I’m about to digress. So we hear many so called leaders today using buzzwords. The word nice is a kind of buzzword. Not as clear cut as something like accountability or transparency. But we’re told; “We must be nice.” Must we? To understand things we often have to go back. Do an internet search for the word “nice” and “etymology.” At www.etymonline.com/word/nice I found this definition: “foolish, ignorant, frivolous, senseless,” from Old French nice “careless, clumsy; weak; poor, needy; simple, stupid, silly, foolish,” from Latin…” Anyone think being nice is still a good idea? The word nice is not found in the Word of God. Do a digital search – no results found. If you’re a Catholic do a digital search of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for the word nice – “No documents match the query.” Weird. Yet, if it’s so important to be nice don’t you think there would be some mention of it in the Word of God? Today the word nice according to Merriam Websters dictionary has multiple different definitions, some of which are also negative in nature but this one jumped out at me: pleasant and satisfying: complaisant, affable, agreeable, considerate. Should we just pick whatever definition of nice we prefer? What do you mean by we should be nice? Define the term. Be clear and take a stand on what it is you believe.

Nice has no “love” for the other person. I got to write that again, it is very important. There is no “love,” in being nice. Nice is unwilling to risk anything for anyone. Being nice – is cowardly. Spiritual or moral cowardice is a very bad thing. How bad it is?

Revelations 21: 8 “But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted, as for murderers, fornicators, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their lot shall be in the lake that burns with fire and sulphur, which is the second death.”

Cowardly is listed first among all these bad things. Morally. On the moral battlefield.

Being nice is about looking out for number #1. Being nice is about compromise. Compromise is one way the spirit of world gives peace. The spirit of the world gives peace through compromise and unjust pressures, unjust threats, and unjust force. If we cared about virtues we’d be inclined to study words like Charity. Charity is love. What’s love? A great place to start is:

1 Corinthians chapter 13: 4 “Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; 5 it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. 7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

The correct word all of us should substitute for nice is “kind.” Why? Kindness has to do with “concern for” the other. That – is – love. To be kind means one’s willing to risk for the other – mostly to tell them the truth when they ask for it. To be kind is to care about one’s people. Kindness is courageous. Kindness is love. In the world of legitimate defense it’s one of my twelve principles – loud rebuke. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do as we strive to avoid a violent confrontation is to loudly rebuke the other person. That’s for another blog post. Is anyone teaching these truths today. Instead we’re told to be “nice.” Meaning, don’t upset anyone. Don’t put me in a position where I have to risk losing power, honor, wealth, or pleasures. Be nice! Just be agreeable with everyone. Just compromise with whatever nonsense is holding sway. Be affable, be pleasant, and satisfying. If you go that way realize you’re acting and directing your people to be ignorant, careless, weak, and stupid! That’s being “nice.” I’m sure being “nice” pays off in terms of wealth, power, pleasures, and honors. But I’m also sure being “nice” lays waste to the common the good. Should we be tactfully kind? Yes. Should we be respectfully, and patiently kind? Yes. Where are you leading your people? If you’re focused on being nice and compromising with evil, you’re leading your people the wrong way my brothers and sisters!

Truth is not the same thing as insults, minor offenses, or slights. The Truth is worth dying for. Prudence is certainly involved in who, when, and how we preach to folks. I’m not going out and preaching on the streets to folks who are not well disposed. How do I know when it’s time to tell someone the truth? They’ll ask for it. They’ll ask us what it is we believe. Or they ask for some advice. Or they’ll come to this website and willingly read what I’m writing. The conversation will just find it’s way to – that – place. As a Catholic I’m not ‘insisting on my own way.’ That’s part of love as defined in 1 Corinthians chapter 13.

I am not advocating approaching folks on the street and correcting them for their use of profanities. I’m not advocating correcting them for parking in a handicapped spots. Now if some unjust criminal aggressor crosses the line and begins threatening or attempting great bodily harm and/or death to innocents that – is a radically different scenario. If your conscience bothers you because someone is illegally parking in a handicapped spot, call the non-emergency police number and let the professionals handle it. That’s their job. Is that instance of illegal parking worth you going to prison for? Is that worth dying for? Can I, should I? Can I confront him? Yes. Should I confront him? No. What’s the probability he’s going to have a deep sense of remorse over illegally parking in a handicapped spot, and thank you for your fraternal correction? Wake up! The probability is near zero. Gratitude and entitlement are at war! There are legion who feel entitled. Is it worth compromising your mission as husband and father? No, of course not! Fulfill your mission!

Politicians are not going to clearly talk about the good and right limits to any buzzwords. Start defining words and you’re going to start losing votes. Ambiguity is a politicians friend. Weak – kneed – and spineless wordsmiths. I’m done digressing.

Egos are insatiable

Imagine the ego like a pit bull puppy. Start feeding that puppy and it’s never going be satisfied. Every single time it feels threatened it’s going to demand to be fed. It’s going to demand, to be reassured. I brought up virtue because I understand the only way we can make something stronger is by exercising it. If we want bigger shoulders, we have to exercise them. If we want to stop some vice then we look at the corresponding virtue, and we begin exercising that virtue. The temptations to the vices are also opportunities, to exercise the virtue. So it is with the insecure ego.

Why should we discipline our egos? Why should we deny our ego the reassurance it seeks? First of all, most of the time we feed the ego we’re simply posturing. As the world grows darker we’re going to be forced to back up that posturing and get bloody, get dead, or go to prison. Over what? Some guy following too closely? Dying for what? Some guy cutting me off in traffic? Going to prison for what, because neck tattoo accidentally bumped me coming out the doors at the grocery store? Because this, that, or the other guy stole my parking spot? Because he parked in a handicapped spot? What are willing we to go to war for? How far are you willing to go to back your posturing up? Are you willing to die for an insult, a minor offense, or some slight? Are you that insecure? Are you willing to kill for the same? The answer should be – no. The bad guy always gets to make a choice. Free will, right? If he chooses to drag us to war over some nonsense, then I’m going to enter that war at a moment he doesn’t expect and I’m going to do my best to use surprise, speed, and violence of action, to achieve and maintain relative superiority until he chooses to stop, or he is stopped. That might be with something like pepper spray, or if the threat is of great bodily harm or death a firearm. He chooses, I confirm his decision, and the consequences play out. That’s on him.

We ought not let our egos out unless this violent confrontation cannot not be avoided. Insults, minor offenses, and slights can generally all be avoided. Generally being the qualifying term. I live in place with a lot of blue collar folks who race from stop light to stop light. I can tell you from experience that if you don’t begin playing acceleration and braking games with them, 99.9% of the time they move on.

Recovering Lost Innocence

Now we’re not perfect and in a moment of weakness, we might mess up and and let the puppy out to play, as it were. Then what? Is there any recourse for us if that happens. Yes. This ain’t legal advise, and I’m not an attorney. Illinois case law includes discussion on how to recover lost innocence. Illinois statutes also deals with this question in 720 ILCS 5/7-4 Use of force by aggressor. In part it states:

“such force is so great that he reasonably believes that he is in imminent danger of death or great bodily harm, and that he has exhausted every reasonable means to escape such danger other than the use of force which is likely to cause death or great bodily harm to the assailant; or in good faith, he withdraws from physical contact with the assailant and indicates clearly to the assailant that he desires to withdraw and terminate the use of force, but the assailant continues or resumes the use of force.”

If it were my job as the prosecutor to poke holes in your story I’d study what happened and simply attack your claims that you exhausted every reasonable means to escape, by pointing out some reasonable means of escape that you didn’t choose and let you or your attorney try to explain why that wasn’t possible. I’d attack whether you ever actually indicated clearly your desire to withdraw from physical contact and terminate the use of force. I would use circumstances to my advantage to show this wasn’t the case. To show you were not actually afraid as you stated, based upon subjective reasonableness in what you did or failed to do, that goes against the claims you made.

That’s Illinois statutory language – whatever state you live in, it’s your responsibility to look it up, and figure it out. Go talk to an attorney if you need to. Go take some professional training where you have the opportunity to ask questions and clarify whether what you believe is right thinking or not.

I’m going to suggest we give much thought to Saint Thomas Aquinas when he said: “An error in the beginning is an error indeed.” It’s easier to compound mistakes made in the beginning than it is to try to fix them after the fact. Better to not let the puppy out to play, as it pertains to insults, minor offenses, or slights. Why would it be easier to do it right from the beginning? Once you’re in the fog of war, as it were, you might be too busy fighting, and too spun up emotionally to to think clearly enough to remember what to say. Getting punched in the face makes it more difficult to recall: “I would very much like to withdraw from physical contact and terminate the use of force.” Now I’m being a little bit sarcastic here, but you get the point.

In the day and the age we live in, it is all the more important, to avoid escalating these minor offenses, insults, and slights by responding in kind. It’s not a contest to see who can be the most arrogant. Be humble, and fulfill your mission.

Your Mission

If you’re a husband or a father, your life is not your own. I probably should write that again as you might not have heard that before. If you’re a husband or a father, your life is not your own. You have life long responsibilities. You’re mission is to protect, provide, and lead your family. You have a responsibility not to waste your life for some insult, minor offense, or slight. You have to grow up. You cannot act like a child any longer. It is a responsibility to make prudent choices for your wife and your children. How are you going to protect, provide, and lead them, if you’re killed or in prison for going to war over an insult, minor offense, or a slight? It is selfishness to the extreme to reject your mission, and to feed your insecure sensitive ego. Secondly, when you walk out, puff up, and posture, realize you’ve just lost your lawful ability to claim self-defense. That’s the prison part. Self defense is a legal term. It doesn’t matter how you feel about these things. It is what it is. Square off to reassure your insecure sensitive ego and if that leads to violence you’ve just initiated or participated in mutual combat. Mutual combat means you lose “innocence.” Proving your not innocent is one of the ways an elected states attorney in your jurisdiction will send you to prison. Lastly, if you consistently operate based upon your emotions you’re going to be more inclined to panic and / or quit. It makes you weaker in the long run. You weaken yourself mentally if you constantly indulge your emotions. Do you desire to be weaker? When the chips are down if you’ve always taken the easy road what makes you think you’re suddenly going to be imbued with strength of mind? When you begin losing hope – you’re going to desire to listen to that voice that says; It’s over. There is nothing more you can do, so just quit. Just let it go. Don’t fight it. Just die already! If you’re not accustomed to denying yourself, how do you imagine you’ll have the power to do anything other than indulge yourself that one last time? You’ll do what you’ve always done. Begin now in little ways building strength by controlling and denying your emotions as they relate to fear, anger, impatience, etcetera. It’s like building a foundation. When that moment in life comes where you have to make a decision to either fight, or lay there dying the death for all eternity I want you to be able to spit in the eye of the voice that says: It’s over. Just quit. Don’t resist. I want you to fight with a great propensity for violence so that you might win.

Even if it seems a sure thing that you can’t win – you still have a choice to make. Quit and die – or go out swinging and perhaps still stop the unjust aggressor. I have to clarify this a little farther. I’m not drawing on a drawn gun at point blank range, unless I believe he is going to murder an innocent, me, or mine. I’ll create or watch for a window of opportunity, what’s called a combat sweet spot. If all he wants is my money – I’m handing it over. I’ll be a good witness. If he makes clear to me he’s going to kill me or mine, that is what I’m talking about when I say even if it seems a sure thing that you can’t win – you still have a choice to make. In that type of scenario, by God’s grace, I have a desire to choose to go out swinging in the hopes of potentially stopping him. That is the sub one second draw – with a few other tactics thrown in.

No honor among thieves

When things get tough most people abandon one another and save themselves. No honor among thieves. Why is that? For the most part thieves have developed habits of saving themselves. Thieves have developed habits of looking our for number #1. It’s the two ways that are set before us. The way of good and the way of evil. The way of truth and the way of lies. The way of life and the way of death. The way of picking up you Cross and carrying it, or leaving laying in the dust so as to save yourself. If we “will,” to be different than the thieves (insert unjust aggressors, bad guys, villains, etc.), as it were, then we have to begin denying ourselves. We have to begin practicing habits of self-sacrificing love. Selfless acts need to be habitual. Practicing and building habits of risking suffering and losing things for our people. Easy to say – hard to do.

There is this great line near the end of the movie Gladiator. Commodus the villain, is talking smack to the man of war Maximus. Commodus is taunting him about unspeakable things done to his son and wife before they we’re murdered. Maximus humbles himself and exhibits restraint warning Commodus: “The time for honoring yourself will soon be at an end, highness.” Indeed. The time for all of us honoring ourselves, will soon be at an end, as we’re all getting older and every man dies and faces his judgment. What a humble, kind way of warning Commodus he’s going the wrong way. An awesome movie of a man of great character, humility, and a propensity for violence. Maximus exercised humility, and meekness – a controlled strength. Spoiler alert; Commodus couldn’t defeat Maximus even when Maximus was mortally wounded and dying. Maximus had control and domination over his emotions. Over his fears, his anger. Fading in and out somewhere between this life and the next, Maximus fought until his enemy lay at his feet, and time gave way to eternity. A movie? Yes. Just a movie. But it points to a reality. There is no more dangerous warrior than a man who can dominate his own fears, his own anger. Go read true accounts of posthumous medal of honor recipients, and you will see it points to a reality.

Sometimes unjust aggressors do choose to burn it in. Sometimes they’re willing to die. But in the end it’s almost always a selfish decision. It’s never a selfless – self sacrificing kind of decision. Sometimes the unjust aggressors don’t tell on each other or they’re willing to exchange their life for some perceived return on their investment. Sometimes it’s a fear of what will be done to them by others if they tell and sometimes it’s a fear of going back or to prison. Men who habitually choose vices and selfishness almost never turn around. Almost being the qualifying term, as by grace some do turn around. So we pray. The right road is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life (Matthew 7: 14), few willingly choose it. It involves a Cross laying in the dust, that needs to be lifted up and carried. The wrong road is wide and easy and many there are, who choose that road. That is in the bible. Believe it.

As for you, begin now in small ways dealing with your fear and anger. Why? If you find yourself in a life and death struggle you want to have built up the emotional strength necessary to have control over your fear and anger. You’re disposition will be such that when the temptation to quit begins stalking you – you’ll be empowered to spit in it’s eye. Start now my friends. Start now.

In conclusion, we ought to seek humility and meekness (controlled strength) as it pertains to insults, offenses, or slights. Vengeance is God’s business, not our business. Stay far away from vengeance. Humility includes a willingness to take the lowest seat. Humiliation is the exercise of the virtue humility. Lowest seats are awesome tactical seats. Why? An unjust aggressor is more inclined to underestimate a man who takes a lowly seat. That underestimation or over confidence on his part, is a great gift. He won’t see the strike coming. The word defend doesn’t mean to block. It means to strike. Check Merriam Websters and scroll down to the section on history and Etymology. There you will find; To strike. We don’t want unjust aggressors to see the strike coming. We don’t want to telegraph our defense as we don’t want them to have the opportunity to stop the defender from defending. There’s not much challenge or fun in spinning up with a humble guy. The arrogant guy is more apt to spin up against a like minded arrogant guy. The arrogant believe they have to take out their threats. If you’re not perceived as a threat… You get the idea. May God give us the graces to know and to do right things.

Merriam Webster’s defines ego as: Self-esteem: will. The Oxford dictionary defines ego as: a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance. I have been writing about the “will,” of men. I believe this good part of our ego interconnects with, and compenetrates with the “will.” Compenetrate as defined by Merriam Websters, means; to penetrate throughout : pervade. Ego has much to do with our emotions. Emotions like fear and anger fuel our “will.” Fear of failure. Fear of letting our brothers in arms down. Fear of letting our family down. Fear of letting ourselves down. Ego has much to do with what others will think of you, and what you think of yourself. At it’s root it is a fear of a loss of honor. That interior thought: Oh, I’d never hear the end of this. When it’s for others, a worthy cause, or to save our own life the ego can serve us well. In part I, I will explore the good ways ego can be useful to legitimate defense and the common good. In part II, I will explore the bad ways ego can result in death or prison. Part III, I will look at a seemingly ugly experience.

In antiquity the word meekness meant controlled strength. That is the authentic meaning of meekness – controlled strength. Look it up today and you’ll find words like: mild; dificient in spirit and courage; submissive, tame; not violent or strong; weak. Yet the Greek word for “meek,” was “praus” and it meant controlled strength. Many years ago I had a priest tell me anger is a gift. It took me many years to come to understand how that can be. A quote from Saint Augustine helped me begin to understand:

“Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to see that they do not remain the way they are.”

Controlled and disciplined anger can be used as a sort of fuel, or a passion to begin doing and saying what needs to be done and said, to set things right.

A healthy kind of ego is a powerful motivator. Healthy being the qualifying term. There is a healthy kind of pride we take in our work, in our family. We have to know where the lines are. Generally pride (meaning hubris or arrogance), is the antithesis of humility. First and foremost we need humility which is the acknowledgment of the truth. When we put the ego to work in the service of others it can shine. For your brothers in arms, your family, your friends, and lastly for yourself. When our lives, or the life of others, are on the line we must decide to do the hard and seemingly dirty things we have to do to win, to stop unjust criminal aggressors.

I say seemingly as they’re not dirty at all. The problem is our weak kneed, spineless generation who love gratuitous violence in their television programming, but cannot stomach the actual hard things that must be done to stop unjust aggressors from threatening and murdering innocents. They are perceived as dirty things by weak minded folks who are blind, confused, and sometimes mad.

Filters

Do you accurately perceive things? There’s a sort of filter inside each of us based upon our upbringing, faith, education, world view or ideologies, training, and experiences. Outside influences like music, television, news media and many other things can win the heart strings (emotions) of the people, thereby winning the minds (intellect) of the people. The problem is as we often wander off into lies and errors, our filters get clogged up, and then we stop accurately perceiving things.

Intellect & Emotions

The intellect, will, and emotions are all faculties of a persons soul. The intellect is the highest faculty. The emotions are the lowest faculty. The “will” is the decision making faculty of our soul. The intellect and the emotions are often at war over domination of the “will.” We have to begin to discipline ourselves to rely primarily on our intellects. I’ll give you an analogy:

I have friends who are experienced pilots. They have taught me that inexperienced pilots can literally feel (analogous with emotions), like they’re flying straight and level, though in fact they are in a steep dive towards the ground. When conditions are poor ie; low visibility or fog, pilots have to rely upon their instrumentation (analogous with intellect). Pilots have cross checks with other instruments, to ensure a particular instrument is functioning properly. If they want to live – they have to trust their instruments. It is easy to erroneously feel like they are in a steep dive when they are in fact flying straight and level. Trusting their instruments (analogous with intellect) is a matter of life, and death for aviators.

In the world of legitimate self defense we need to do the work of building those instruments, as it were. We build the knowledge base of where the lines are on the moral, physical, legal, civil, and social battlefields. We learn the principles. Those principles act as a pilots instrumentation to ensure we’re flying straight and level, as it were. These things are need to know. Our emotions or feelings must be checked, and cross checked, with our intellects. We must question our emotions as it relates to doing the right things, at the right time, for the right reason, and in the right way. If we fail to do that we may panic, or we may hesitate. Both panic and hesitation may bring forth terrible consequences. Panic and the consequences may be prison. Hesitate and the consequences may be death. Ensure you’re informing your intellect with good and right things. If you will do that and then use that intellect to direct the “will,” the decision making faculty of the soul – then the probability of making right decisions increases.

“Somewhat paradoxically, one of the things passed on was that success is not a matter of genetics. You’re not born a winner; you have to make the effort to become one. Anyone can do something well if he has the sincere desire to do that. There has to be a commitment to getting the task done and a dedication to the fundamentals of one’s position.” Joe Lombardi grandson of Vince Lombardi

The Word of God reveals to us many people perish for lack of knowledge. For lack of truth. I believe that. But what about those who still perish with knowledge? Ultimately the problem comes down to the “will.” On the spiritual battlefield grace and sin are at war. They war over domination of the will. Do we reject grace or ask for it? Do we do our will, or God’s will? Grace is what is needed to achieve and maintain a kind of relative superiority, as it were, in this spiritual battle. That grace comes from God. It is a function of grace. We ask. We beg. We patiently go back to the Lord for forgiveness and we don’t – give – up. We don’t quit.

Self-esteem

I’m not a fan of the modern day use of this word. As human beings we are in far greater need of discipline than self-esteem. Self-esteem is often a buzzword for pride, ego, hubris, and arrogance. We need discipline and we need a confidence. Confidence is gained via discipline, via doing the work, to become a craftsman. You have to ask yourself; Do you have self knowledge or do you have a false sense of self-esteem? Socrates said; “Know thyself.” Clint Eastwood in the movie Magnum Force said: “Man’s got to know his limitations.” Do we really know what we need to know about the fundamental principles as they apply to the moral, physical, legal, civil, and social battlefields? If all you have is an introductory level concealed carry course then you do not have all you need to know. I have been putting out doing the work, as it were, for many years. As a patrolman I put out to learn how to keep myself out of trouble. As a Sergeant, and a Field Training Sergeant I put out doing the work, to ensure new recruits and officers were being trained and performing their duties properly. As a Lieutenant co-leading the Professional Standards Division, Internal Affairs, I put out doing the work, to gain the knowledge to help citizens of good will understand precisely why police do the things they have to do. I don’t know everything. I’m still learning. Now to the skills. The internet is filled with skill building tutorials and drills. There’s nothing wrong that – we need skills. It is my opinion as it pertains to skills we should primarily be drilling the fundamentals. How do I understand the fundamentals? Can a citizen safely put the gun to work, and then keep the gun properly working? Beginning levels include many working parts but the fundamentals that count are the four gun safety rules as it relates to putting that firearm to work, in whatever lawful and proportional capacity we need it to work. Intermediate levels involve fundamentals like malfunction or failure drills, speed loading, and tactical loading – keeping the firearm in a working condition.

It is my opinion we ought to spend more time coming to understand and teach the fundamental principles of knowledge as it relates to decision making and problem solving. The old adage; Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. How do we accomplish that? We drill the fundamental first principles. If you know principles you can solve a thousand times a thousand problems. Using actual violent confrontations caught on video is another way we can teach and learn about the fundamental first principles of combat.

Calculated Risks

The ego must be willing to be vulnerable. One of the questions good leaders should frequently ask themselves is; Where am I leading my people? To good ends or bad? To life or death? To freedom or prison? To retention of wealth or bankruptcy? Sometimes exchanges have to made. Meaning we do sometimes have to incur more risks on the legal and civil battlefields by acknowledging and accepting the realities on the moral and physical battlefields. I believe, as I’ve said in earlier posts the highest and most important battlefield is the moral battlefield. The physical battlefield is second in order of importance. I don’t ignore the legal, civil, and social battlefields, I seek to apply sound strategies for all the battlefields we potentially face.

Leaders embrace calculated risks. Not reckless risks. We have to willing to be vulnerable or we’ll just water everything down to what is convenient, and in season. People with type “A” risk taking personalities, usually have no problem risking in a physical sense. When those folks begin getting promoted then we see the boys being separated from the men. At these higher levels men who sit in leadership seats sometimes forget that in order to lead they must be willing to continue risking, in a moral sense. Risking to support and defend their people when their people act rightly. A moral courage is required. A willingness to risk losing things like power, wealth, pleasures, & honors. A willingness to suffer for their people. There are still many and various “gaps” the leader needs to step into with unjust politicians, media folks, and special interest groups. If these leaders have not done the work necessary to properly defend their people, they won’t. You can’t give what you do not have. Where is the strong man, the man of valor who can and does take calculated risks in these political and social areas of vulnerability? I have been blessed to observe some of these men willingly accepting political and social risks in many and various ways during my law enforcement career. Likewise, there are many more men who have sought to “save themselves,” and their sensitive egos.

I’m not looking down on anyone here, as I am guilty of nearly every failed leadership attribute at one point or another in my life. In one way or another at various points, I have been tested and found lacking. That is – a – reality. It seems the only way I can learn, is to fall down flat on my face, repeatedly, until I begin figuring it out.

Grace

If I have anything truly good to pass along to you, it is only because of the grace of God. Without God’s grace I wouldn’t have one – good – thing to share.

A healthy kind of ego will only take you so far, and in the end when you’re tired, beat up, injured – or dying then the ego won’t be enough to sustain you.

“Fatigue makes cowards of us all.” Vince Lombardi

It is precisely then you’re going to need to rely upon the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit. There is no – other – answer – my friends. If you’re looking for another answer – stop looking. Stop wasting your time! If you have a desire to authentically “love” to the point that as the Bible says where: Perfect Love casts out all fear, then you’re going to have to become a saint. You’re going to have to begin building up your emotional and spiritual strength by denying yourself.

“We need a Christ who will restore moral indignation, Who will make us hate evil with a passionate intensity, and love goodness to a point where we can drink death like water.” Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Without grace – you and I are not drinking death like water. Why? Most of us have something to lose. Instinctively due to The Fall and the concupiscence of sin we reach out and we cling, rather than risk losing things. Some men have lost hope and having nothing to lose, and they will drink death like water. For good or for ill – very dangerous men. Some unjust criminal aggressor’s fall into that category. They are ready and willing to burn it in. Those who would take up the sword, as it were, in defense of the innocent likewise can be very dangerous (to unjust murderers) men. We must begin building spiritual and emotional strength by denying ourselves. Little by little we grow in grace and strength. Start now so that when the chips down you are measured, and found worthy. Grace – is – the – answer.

“The Best Predictor of Future Behavior Is … Past Behavior.” God has given me many violent experiences, and much knowledge. As it relates to the knowledge, I assure you I have done nothing to merit it. Due to my numerous sins in this life, I have too often merited Hell. I don’t believe God gives us a gift for our own self aggrandizing but to share. So I am trying to faithfully pass on what I’ve learned. God has given me the grace to understand how easily someone with far less knowledge, experience, and skills can fell a better man, with opportunity. That is the bottom line. Opportunity. Many times while at Catholic Mass my gaze has shifted to the doors and I’ve wondered if today is the day? Is today the day an unjust active shooter will walk through those doors bent on the murder of innocents? I look at my wife, and my children, and I begin to pray; Please Lord, do not let it be today. But if it is today, I ask God; strengthen my weak knees, and guide my hands for war. I don’t rely on my own strength, but on the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit. I ask. I pray.

In conclusion, police officers, soldiers, or any other first responder needs a healthy dose of ego. Citizens gravely responsible for defending their families need a healthy dose of ego. Healthy being the qualifying term. Why? Emotions like fear are powerful motivators. A desire for honor is a powerful motivator. Fear of a loss of honor – is a – powerful motivator! That is a good thing when it moves us to a passion to set things right! When it moves us to do right things. Let me be clear; In no way does that mean revenge. Vengeance for us, is the wrong way! Revenge and vengeance is God’s alone. He will settle all accounts as they ought to be settled. His business. Not my business! That is where the lines are. Emotions have their place. Fear has it’s place. Anger – has – it’s – place! Our ego’s may be put to good use when working in the service of our brothers in arms. When we would rather die, than fail our brothers and sisters in arms, our ego performs rightly. When we would rather die, than fail our wives and our children, our ego performs rightly. If our own life is on the line fear and a controlled anger fuel the fire (the right passion), needed to stop the unjust criminal aggressor. Begin now disciplining and controlling things like fear and anger. Deny yourselves my brothers and sisters and grow in strength. May God give all of us these graces.